Apologies

This is very general because the post would be much too long if I apologized for every deed I have done that needed an apology. My first would be to God because He's given me so many chances to be a better person.

I apologize to my Grandmother Nanis (my Mom's Mom and last remaining grandparent) who passed away 41 years ago at age 64 for not seeing her more often. I so loved her - she didn't get cool until I was about 18 years old and then she had a transformation. She was a little Baptist lady that didn't like me wearing shorts (too bold for her Baptist taste.) And yet, when my now husband of 43 years broke up with me one summer, she drove me to the lake where he was partying with a bunch of friends and the "new girlfriend" and she helped me spy on them. She made exactly the right comments (not Baptist at all) and when we drove away from there, I felt slightly better. She was happy when Donald and I got married a few months later.

I apologize to my Dad Vernon (who passed away in January of 1999) for not telling him what a wonderful man he was until he was in a coma and I don't think could hear me anymore. But I said it plenty, over and over, at his bedside no matter whether he could hear me or not. Every year since then, ex-students of his have walked up to me and told me the things he did to change their lives forever, as their teacher and mentor. Why didn't I see this man with the same awe? I do now.

I apologize to my Mom Doris (who is alive and still kicking at 85.) The same thing is going to happen with her that did with my Dad. Why is it you don't know how great your parents are until you can't tell them anymore? I try to hug and kiss her as often as I can and hopefully I will have until her 90s to do this. She is an exceptional woman who is under appreciated by many of her family.

I apologize to my Son Derrick because we were so hard on him in his early years. It was before time outs so we spanked him. Half the time he probably didn't deserve it but people were watching so we felt the guilt of not disciplining because their outside opinions influenced us foolishly. He is a wonderful, successful man of 42 now and I have always said, in spite of me being his mother, he turned out great on his own.

I apologize to my Daughter Dori because I think I didn't see her clearly enough as a young child and a teen. She has always been so much fun that I forgot to look for signs of troubles she might have been experiencing. She is still really fun and I hope that is not still clouding my judgment. I also apologize for not being able to hold my tongue in giving way too much advice (which her brother doesn't get enough of from me) and just watch her enjoying life.

I apologize to my 4 brothers who are all now at least 55 years old. But when we were young kids, and me being the oldest, I'm certain I was way too bossy which is why I am who I am today. They gave me lots of practice.

I apologize to my Husband Donald. He is my greatest motivator, savior, confidante, and friend. And yet, I treat him with such disrespect sometimes. Of course, after I do that, I live with self-regret, beating myself up because he turns around and does something else nice that only puts him in good standing until the next time he does something wrong. He doesn't get it and I don't get it! Maybe I was just lucky enough to get a good man.