Something Is Broken

My daughter, Dori, gave me this little kitten about 20 years ago. When it was new, it had 2 blue eyes (I thought they were painted on, but apparently not), a pink nose (also apparently not painted), it's ribbon has been tied in a perfect bow for 20 years, and it had 2 back paws. I felt like this was one of the items one of my two kids bought me that I definitely needed to keep in good shape and always display. It has moved many times, carefully packed, and then placed in many different themes, but always visual. He looks larger in the photo but is only about 2-1/2" tall. He's sitting on an antique stone grinding wheel so that gives anyone looking a sense of size.

Then our almost-perfect 2-1/2 year old grandson came to visit for a day. He's Dori's son so I guess it'll be okay. If it had been one of Derrick's kids, it might have been different, you think? His Ada was babysitting he and his 2-month-old little brother, so it would be one of those things Ada saw happen but couldn't move fast enough to save "the kitty." I didn't notice it until S was gone and I saw the "new kitty". Ada said it happened in milliseconds and it was not with malice. But, if you look close enough, you can see where he might have been driving the kitty around the grinding wheel. I'm just saying.


Could this precious little hooligan be the culprit?

What I Wish I Had Known Then

I was a pretty happy kid. My mom and dad were loving but strict. I lived in a household of fun, laughter, lots of outside play and we traveled. We weren't poor, but I know now how much my parents struggled to spread the dollars so we kids didn't know we didn't have very much.

I wish I had known that, even though you have to make good grades, you don't really have to stress out to make those straight As. I wish I had known that those kids that were so snobby because they had more money and would follow me from grade school to high school, absolutely had no effect on my adult life. It would have been so easy to go through school not giving a rip what people thought about me.

I wish I had known that, if all I had to do was make my grades (which I did) in the 5th grade and not worry about that horrible, grouchy, mean teacher I had, as soon as 5th grade was over I would only remember her name and 5th grade wouldn't even be a memory.

I wish I hadn't been so shy because I'm not now. I was never afraid, actually quite the opposite so my personality was already brewing. But what makes a girl so shy, especially when my mom and dad were always telling me how special I was?

I wish I hadn't worried so much about not being asked for dates in high school. I'll bless God for that because I might not have waited until I met Donald and then all the dynamics would have changed.

Try not to hate getting up on Sunday morning so much and having to get dressed to go to Sunday School and church. My mom was pretty insistent on that and I thank her for it. It was the basis for my morals and my impenetrable faith in God.

I wish I had taken college a little more seriously, because I would be a retired volleyball coach by now.

I wish I had known that what was in my future were a wonderful husband, 2 terrific kids, and 7 excellent grandchildren.

Now that I'm 64, I wish I had known that God was going to grant me mostly serenity, with just enough controversy to make it interesting but harmless. So, I'm going to look forward to the rest of my life and not worry about it because I know God is still the engineer and I am his ongoing drawing and design.

Apologies

This is very general because the post would be much too long if I apologized for every deed I have done that needed an apology. My first would be to God because He's given me so many chances to be a better person.

I apologize to my Grandmother Nanis (my Mom's Mom and last remaining grandparent) who passed away 41 years ago at age 64 for not seeing her more often. I so loved her - she didn't get cool until I was about 18 years old and then she had a transformation. She was a little Baptist lady that didn't like me wearing shorts (too bold for her Baptist taste.) And yet, when my now husband of 43 years broke up with me one summer, she drove me to the lake where he was partying with a bunch of friends and the "new girlfriend" and she helped me spy on them. She made exactly the right comments (not Baptist at all) and when we drove away from there, I felt slightly better. She was happy when Donald and I got married a few months later.

I apologize to my Dad Vernon (who passed away in January of 1999) for not telling him what a wonderful man he was until he was in a coma and I don't think could hear me anymore. But I said it plenty, over and over, at his bedside no matter whether he could hear me or not. Every year since then, ex-students of his have walked up to me and told me the things he did to change their lives forever, as their teacher and mentor. Why didn't I see this man with the same awe? I do now.

I apologize to my Mom Doris (who is alive and still kicking at 85.) The same thing is going to happen with her that did with my Dad. Why is it you don't know how great your parents are until you can't tell them anymore? I try to hug and kiss her as often as I can and hopefully I will have until her 90s to do this. She is an exceptional woman who is under appreciated by many of her family.

I apologize to my Son Derrick because we were so hard on him in his early years. It was before time outs so we spanked him. Half the time he probably didn't deserve it but people were watching so we felt the guilt of not disciplining because their outside opinions influenced us foolishly. He is a wonderful, successful man of 42 now and I have always said, in spite of me being his mother, he turned out great on his own.

I apologize to my Daughter Dori because I think I didn't see her clearly enough as a young child and a teen. She has always been so much fun that I forgot to look for signs of troubles she might have been experiencing. She is still really fun and I hope that is not still clouding my judgment. I also apologize for not being able to hold my tongue in giving way too much advice (which her brother doesn't get enough of from me) and just watch her enjoying life.

I apologize to my 4 brothers who are all now at least 55 years old. But when we were young kids, and me being the oldest, I'm certain I was way too bossy which is why I am who I am today. They gave me lots of practice.

I apologize to my Husband Donald. He is my greatest motivator, savior, confidante, and friend. And yet, I treat him with such disrespect sometimes. Of course, after I do that, I live with self-regret, beating myself up because he turns around and does something else nice that only puts him in good standing until the next time he does something wrong. He doesn't get it and I don't get it! Maybe I was just lucky enough to get a good man.