Actually, she is a very young, fun, pretty 35 and she just had a little bitty baby (a preemie.)
Mostly, this post is about her best friends, and she has quite a few, but the handful of her better than best is who I'm going to talk about now. During Dori's traumatic march to have this baby beginning at about 6:00 am, they were loving, dutiful, worried, and attentive equal to and beyond me. When I got to the hospital (I'm 2 hours away by car), 2 of them were already there, 1 had already picked up her 2-year-old, and throughout that first day and the rest of her stay they were like her Moms and Dads. If any of you guys read this post, I want to tell you I am so glad you are part of my daughter's family.
It is almost over and we can almost breathe deeply, that is, until the little bitty comes home from the hospital. Dori is fit and ready to get back into the swing of being the mother of 4 and she now has 2 more kids than I do. So I guess that makes her more of an expert on the subject of children than me.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
My Husband's Mother
Everytime we have a family function - a holiday, birthday, birth, whatever, she is either going to be late, change her plans at the last minute, cancel at the last minute or thrust herself into the mix with no warning.
For instance, when I choose to host a get together, I am, in fact, putting on a show, in which I am the performer and my guests are the audience. My guess is that whether she gets there or not and when, my mother-in-law is "stealing the show" - and she knows it.
When she is late or reschedules or barges in, the conversation is about her and that's what she is secretly hoping for.
We are all familiar with this type of person, who seeks attention by constantly creating a roller coaster of crises. These folks continually experience hypochondria, invent drama, and generate chaos in their relationships. The stress they cause is absolutely unnecessary, but it guarantees that the focus is always on them. The challenge comes when they insist that you join them on their crazy ride. So before drowning in my sorrows, I need to take back center stage by setting up boundaries for everyone attending my get togethers.
Since I can't change my mother-in-law, when something comes up in the future, I will let everyone involved know what time things are happening and stick to my agenda. After all, the majority of people are respecting my wishes.
Best of all, I will have drawn an internal boundary of my own. I'll have ended my habit of seeing his mom's thoughtlessness as a personal offense. When my mother-in-law does change her plans, I will make no mention of it because there is no point in rewarding rude behavior.
For instance, when I choose to host a get together, I am, in fact, putting on a show, in which I am the performer and my guests are the audience. My guess is that whether she gets there or not and when, my mother-in-law is "stealing the show" - and she knows it.
When she is late or reschedules or barges in, the conversation is about her and that's what she is secretly hoping for.
We are all familiar with this type of person, who seeks attention by constantly creating a roller coaster of crises. These folks continually experience hypochondria, invent drama, and generate chaos in their relationships. The stress they cause is absolutely unnecessary, but it guarantees that the focus is always on them. The challenge comes when they insist that you join them on their crazy ride. So before drowning in my sorrows, I need to take back center stage by setting up boundaries for everyone attending my get togethers.
Since I can't change my mother-in-law, when something comes up in the future, I will let everyone involved know what time things are happening and stick to my agenda. After all, the majority of people are respecting my wishes.
Best of all, I will have drawn an internal boundary of my own. I'll have ended my habit of seeing his mom's thoughtlessness as a personal offense. When my mother-in-law does change her plans, I will make no mention of it because there is no point in rewarding rude behavior.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Most Important Day of My Life
According to Real Simple's rules, if I submitted my most important day, I could win $3,000. However, in thinking long and hard about that, I don't have a most important day of my life. I do have a most thrilling day, most spiritual day, most life-altering day, and happiest day. Listed, in no particular order of importance, they are:
Most thrilling:
I met Donald in 1962, we were married in 1964 and still are. That's not the thrilling part. My best friend, Wanda Fr... from high school, sat next to Donald Fo..., alphabetically, in Kilgore College orientation. She kept talking about this really cute guy she sat next to and I needed to meet him. I don't know why she didn't want him for herself. Anyway, we were sitting in the 'sub' and he walked through the door with a bunch of guys and she punched me excitedly and said, "That's him!" I thought she was pointing to the really good-looking guy, who turned out to be one of his best friends, and when she finally got me to look at Donald, I said he was cute, but not that good-looking. Little did I know, his personality was the good-looking part (did I mention he was cute too?) And, come to find out later, he was also the "Sweetheart of the Rangerettes' Sorority"! So time went by, and he started showing up on the sidewalk where I was walking to class and he would say 'hello' and I would say 'hi', obviously with a northern accent since my Dad had come from Minnesota. He still remembers that 'hi' to this day. So more time progressed. At the time, I had been hired by Beall's, a really up-scale department store in those days, to decorate their windows. There were sheer curtains that separated the window from where you entered to set up for the decoration. I was eating a snack on break behind the curtains and I saw him drive by slowly in his red sportscar with a load of other guys. And then he made the block and drove slowly by again and I thought "this can't be coincidence" and felt a little tingle. Then I was paged a little later and he was on the phone and asking me for a date that night. I accepted and then proceeded to run through the store yelling, laughing, leaping 2 stairs at a time to the second floor and then back down again. I think at one time I may have leaped from the balcony, caught the overhead fixture, backflipped off that , somersaulted, and landed on my feet, all to the applause of all the other employees! I was only 18 and everybody at Beall's was so excited for me that they allowed me to be completely thrilled.
Most spiritual day:
My Dad had been sick from various ailments for about 6 years, fluctuating from life and death. He was a vibrant, healthy, fun influence in my life. My Mom, Donald, and I were so tired and defeated from the numerous emergency ambulance rides to the hospital. Daddy had been comatose for a couple of months and hadn't said a word, except his eyes were always open. I would visit and talk to him like he could hear me and so I had a chance to say everything I should have said when there could have been conversation between us and I know he could hear me. Donald, always thinking of my wellbeing, suggested we have people over for dinner because he thought it would take my mind off things for just a little while. Early in the morning of the dinner day, I decided to drop by and see Daddy before I went grocery shopping. He was sitting up in bed, looking at the nurses passing through the room, and he was alone - my Mom had finally gone home to rest. He looked at me, smiled, and said, "Hi, Sweetheart." That was all he said. The next morning he passed away. I've always believed in God, but at that moment, alone, when he smiled and later when I reflected on the moment, I believed, like I have never believed, that God performed a miracle for me and I saw so clearly through my Dad, without a doubt, he had to have a Heaven to go to and so would I some day. Spiritually, I was renewed.
Most life-altering day:
Donald and I were with 3 other couples for a weekend getaway. We were floating down the Guadalupe when everyone decided we needed to go down the 'chute'. It was rapidly cascading water down a chute where you rode (sat) on top of your innertube and when you got to the bottom, you had to hold really tight so you didn't come off your tube. Little kids were standing on their tubes and going down the chute - they have no fear. Donald went down in front of me and when I got to the bottom, my tube flipped and I was whirling to the bottom of the river. There had been a couple of drownings earlier that day that we didn't know about. It was such a spout of water that I couldn't get straight to go up instead of down. By this time, Donald had moved himself into a position to see my tube but no me. Later (I lived) I found out he was frantically paddling back yelling at the lifeguards that I was not coming up. While all this was going on, I had been under long enough to know the next breath was water. I've never asked an expert if you can cry underwater, but I know I was because all the thoughts of never seeing my children, my husband, my parents again and then the thought of what they were about to experience was devastating. I prayed. And a hand pulled me out of the water - a lifeguard- where I had swirled close enough to the banks he could snatch me up. Not even the lifeguards were going in the water that day. God altered my life that day and I will never forget it.
Happiest day:
Donald and I had been married a couple of months. It was kind of rough-going before we got married because we had broken up. I moved to Dallas and became a flight attendant and, I think, Donald heard I was having too much fun. Actually, my heart was still broken over the break up and when he showed up at my door, I did the Beall's leaping fiasco (internally, of course) again, and shyly let him in. We were married soon after. But the happiest part is still to come. Back to being married a couple of months . . . we were standing in a theatre line to see a movie at North Texas University (he was still going to school), and I couldn't believe I was standing in line with him then and forever. And if you can remember an instance from 44 years ago that made you happy, that would have to be the happiest day of my life. Not counting having my 2 kids (because they are reading this blog.)
Most thrilling:
I met Donald in 1962, we were married in 1964 and still are. That's not the thrilling part. My best friend, Wanda Fr... from high school, sat next to Donald Fo..., alphabetically, in Kilgore College orientation. She kept talking about this really cute guy she sat next to and I needed to meet him. I don't know why she didn't want him for herself. Anyway, we were sitting in the 'sub' and he walked through the door with a bunch of guys and she punched me excitedly and said, "That's him!" I thought she was pointing to the really good-looking guy, who turned out to be one of his best friends, and when she finally got me to look at Donald, I said he was cute, but not that good-looking. Little did I know, his personality was the good-looking part (did I mention he was cute too?) And, come to find out later, he was also the "Sweetheart of the Rangerettes' Sorority"! So time went by, and he started showing up on the sidewalk where I was walking to class and he would say 'hello' and I would say 'hi', obviously with a northern accent since my Dad had come from Minnesota. He still remembers that 'hi' to this day. So more time progressed. At the time, I had been hired by Beall's, a really up-scale department store in those days, to decorate their windows. There were sheer curtains that separated the window from where you entered to set up for the decoration. I was eating a snack on break behind the curtains and I saw him drive by slowly in his red sportscar with a load of other guys. And then he made the block and drove slowly by again and I thought "this can't be coincidence" and felt a little tingle. Then I was paged a little later and he was on the phone and asking me for a date that night. I accepted and then proceeded to run through the store yelling, laughing, leaping 2 stairs at a time to the second floor and then back down again. I think at one time I may have leaped from the balcony, caught the overhead fixture, backflipped off that , somersaulted, and landed on my feet, all to the applause of all the other employees! I was only 18 and everybody at Beall's was so excited for me that they allowed me to be completely thrilled.
Most spiritual day:
My Dad had been sick from various ailments for about 6 years, fluctuating from life and death. He was a vibrant, healthy, fun influence in my life. My Mom, Donald, and I were so tired and defeated from the numerous emergency ambulance rides to the hospital. Daddy had been comatose for a couple of months and hadn't said a word, except his eyes were always open. I would visit and talk to him like he could hear me and so I had a chance to say everything I should have said when there could have been conversation between us and I know he could hear me. Donald, always thinking of my wellbeing, suggested we have people over for dinner because he thought it would take my mind off things for just a little while. Early in the morning of the dinner day, I decided to drop by and see Daddy before I went grocery shopping. He was sitting up in bed, looking at the nurses passing through the room, and he was alone - my Mom had finally gone home to rest. He looked at me, smiled, and said, "Hi, Sweetheart." That was all he said. The next morning he passed away. I've always believed in God, but at that moment, alone, when he smiled and later when I reflected on the moment, I believed, like I have never believed, that God performed a miracle for me and I saw so clearly through my Dad, without a doubt, he had to have a Heaven to go to and so would I some day. Spiritually, I was renewed.
Most life-altering day:
Donald and I were with 3 other couples for a weekend getaway. We were floating down the Guadalupe when everyone decided we needed to go down the 'chute'. It was rapidly cascading water down a chute where you rode (sat) on top of your innertube and when you got to the bottom, you had to hold really tight so you didn't come off your tube. Little kids were standing on their tubes and going down the chute - they have no fear. Donald went down in front of me and when I got to the bottom, my tube flipped and I was whirling to the bottom of the river. There had been a couple of drownings earlier that day that we didn't know about. It was such a spout of water that I couldn't get straight to go up instead of down. By this time, Donald had moved himself into a position to see my tube but no me. Later (I lived) I found out he was frantically paddling back yelling at the lifeguards that I was not coming up. While all this was going on, I had been under long enough to know the next breath was water. I've never asked an expert if you can cry underwater, but I know I was because all the thoughts of never seeing my children, my husband, my parents again and then the thought of what they were about to experience was devastating. I prayed. And a hand pulled me out of the water - a lifeguard- where I had swirled close enough to the banks he could snatch me up. Not even the lifeguards were going in the water that day. God altered my life that day and I will never forget it.
Happiest day:
Donald and I had been married a couple of months. It was kind of rough-going before we got married because we had broken up. I moved to Dallas and became a flight attendant and, I think, Donald heard I was having too much fun. Actually, my heart was still broken over the break up and when he showed up at my door, I did the Beall's leaping fiasco (internally, of course) again, and shyly let him in. We were married soon after. But the happiest part is still to come. Back to being married a couple of months . . . we were standing in a theatre line to see a movie at North Texas University (he was still going to school), and I couldn't believe I was standing in line with him then and forever. And if you can remember an instance from 44 years ago that made you happy, that would have to be the happiest day of my life. Not counting having my 2 kids (because they are reading this blog.)
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